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Getting My Spanking Mojo Back

  • Posted on February 17, 2014 at 9:28 PM

Recently I’d noticed a complete lack of being turned on by spanking stuff.  I’d go to the websites I always go to, and they just didn’t do anything for me.  It bothered me, because I had no idea why it would just be gone.  Then I thought about it, and I realized that months ago I had started being a very good girl when it came to things that G. had wanted me to work on.  He hadn’t had to say anything in ages about those things, which meant that we weren’t really talking about anything spanking related, except in passing.  I hadn’t thought about it, but the lack of pushing the envelope, of testing the waters, of sneaking in little things that would make G. at least hint that I was getting close to earning a spanking, had taken away my mojo.  I couldn’t fantasize, I wasn’t able to get turned on by spanking stuff, which was annoying.

Then I hit on an idea.  I’d been meaning to watch these video podcasts that I’d told G. that I’d downloaded in iTunes U, about algebra.  G. has this thing about me learning math, which I’ve always completely sucked at, but I wanted to give it another go after having taken years not bothering.  As usual, first NanoWriMo got in the way, then the holidays, and then by the time January came along I’d damn near forgotten that I even had the podcasts, so I still haven’t watched any of them.  Last week I mentioned them, and I said I might need incentives to make sure that I actually start watching them.  G. jumped on it right way, which I found very promising.  Obviously, what works with me is to threaten spankings if things don’t get done.  This has a tw0-fold benefit.  One, I do eventually start getting in gear and doing what I’m supposed to, and two, it gets my mojo back up and running, because suddenly there’s a chance I might get spanked for something.

It turns out that I need a certain level of threats of spankings to keep me going when there’s nothing else getting me charged up.  Being a very good girl just doesn’t do it for me.  I have to at least sneak in a little attitude if nothing else, to spark the occasional threat.  So far we haven’t had time to talk about it, to make it a reality, but just the idea of it has helped some.  Better than it was anyway.  I know that there are people who don’t understand the whole punishment thing, that they just like to get spanked.  I LOVE getting spanked, for whatever reason, play or whatever.  I just have this other part of the kink, and that’s a punishment fetish.  Just the idea of getting spanked for being  a bad girl gets me seriously charged up.  It makes things more exciting at times, hearing the threat, hearing G. tell me that I am definitely going to be punished, seeing that look on his face when he changes from normal G. to the “I have the Power” temporary Dom.  The first time I saw that look I was hooked.  It’s intoxicating, knowing that G. has that side to him when I need it.  Very few women have seen that side of him, and I’m glad I’m one of them.

My New Home

  • Posted on July 6, 2013 at 11:30 PM

With all the discussion about adult sites disappearing off the internet, I decided that I’d save what I had on the old site and then move it here where it will be safe.  I figure anything called kinky blogging won’t have a problem with spanking and kinkiness.  For some reason the first month’s worth of posts didn’t import from the old site, so if anybody has an idea of how to get those off of there, I’d be grateful.  When I backed up my blog I’m sure I got them, but there’s a button on here to just import from the blog itself, so I decided to go with that.  As it was it took me all day to reformat the New York post, because the original had been from an email, and was a little goofy even on the old blog.

So, here I am with the new look and new URL, just in time to start talking about the spanking I’ve been doing the past few days or so, for the first time in months.  G. has also jumped into this with both feet, getting back to his old self, after a trying few years personally.  It’s good to see him like this, because I know it was rough on him for a while there.  He doesn’t talk about it, but I could tell.  Now we’re talking spanking like we used to, and things are good. : )  This bodes well for the blog, because it will mean a lot more posts!

To post or not to post?

  • Posted on August 11, 2012 at 1:00 AM

With all the story harvesting I’ve been doing on Google, there’s one that I found that I had totally forgotten about.  It’s dark, sort of extreme, and edgy.  It wasn’t something that I was looking for really, but I could understand the need behind it back then.  I’ve changed over the years, and I don’t feel that anymore.  I can still understand the need, but only because I’d almost been there before, but I don’t think I could handle that kind of session now.

What I’m wondering is if I should post the story?  I know that some people will find it hot because they like extreme play, or they like dark fantasies.  It’s the people who would be upset by reading a scene like the one I wrote that make me undecided about posting it.  So, I’d like some feedback.  Should I post it the way I always do, with a small explanation at the top, post it with a warning as part of the intro, or not post it?  It’s M/F, consensual, but to a level that might squick some people.

The Ladies Who Lived on the Corner

  • Posted on August 6, 2012 at 2:57 PM

I wrote this 12 years ago, but until now I thought it was lost.  I wanted to find it but had given up until today, when I was able to rescue it from Google!

—————————————–

To the people on the block it seemed as if they had been together
always.  No one remembered them moving in, they’d just always been
there.  The two ladies, whom everyone knew to be lovers.  Their ages
were a mystery, they were described as older but a bit ageless.
To see them on the street one would never guess their true secret.  They
were lovers yes, that was obvious by how they were with each other, and
how they looked at each other.  What was never guessed was what happened
when no one else was about.  When it was just the two of them in that
little house on the corner.

You see, Laurel and Josie had a unique aspect to their relationship.
Josie was the boisterous, outgoing one of the pair, while Laurel was
quieter.  People thought that Josie was the more dominant of the two,
but they were wrong. Behind closed doors it was Laurel who took the
upper hand, literally.  Many nights would find Josie across Laurel’s
lap, being spanked.  Not for punishment, but because they both loved it.
They needed it as they needed each other, and Laurel loved spanking
Josie’s bare bottom.  Josie would purr, moan, and writhe, driving Laurel
mad with passion for her, even after so many years.  Laurel would spank
Josie’s bottom till it was the color of the early sunset, and then they
would lie together, making love as passionately as they had when they’d
first met, many decades before.

This was their true secret, the one not even whispered about in the
neighborhood, because no one knew.  That was how it had always been, how
it would always be.  It was what kept them young, despite the fact that
Laurel was nearing seventy-five, and Josie was but a few years younger.
A delicious secret for the two, knowing that Josie often went about her
daily tasks in the yard and the neighborhood with a red hot bottom, and
a secret smile that was shared by Laurel.

The neighbors only saw them as a cute couple, and so they missed the
unspoken bond between them.  The one never spoken of, but treasured as
they treasured each other.  The bond that had always been, and would
always be, for the rest of their lives.

Five Days with a Vampire Part 1

  • Posted on August 5, 2012 at 6:21 PM

First, to explain, this is a VERY old post, from back in the SSS days.  I just found it on Google, after thinking it was gone forever, because it was written two years before I had a computer.  Webtv had no way of saving anything.  It’s from September 2000, and it’s the account of the first time G. and I met face to face.  Like with my New York post, there is commentary from G. in it.  This is part one, because it needed so much detail.  The only thing I’ve changed is cutting his name down to G.  On SSS I used his whole first name.

———————————————-

Last week I went to Worldcon in Chicago. I was going to meet G. there,
and we’d been planning it most of this year, if not ALL of this year.
When I got there I checked to see if he was around, and I should’ve
figured he was still asleep. What can you expect from a vampire? So
I went downstairs to check out the dealer’s room and all the other stuff
they have, and just generally acclimating myself to being in a different
city for the first time in years, and being there by myself for at least
a little part of the time. I waited three whole hours to finally call
G. in his room, because I figured it wouldn’t be TOO early. He’d
always said that as long as it was afternoon I wouldn’t get in trouble
for waking him up!
————-
The plan was to get massive amounts of sleep in before the Convention,
’cause I certainly wouldn’t get any DURING the Con. That I mostly
accomplished the previous day.
————-
I think it helped to hear his voice on the phone first, before actually
seeing him. We spend hours and hours on the phone, and I’m used to that.
He said he’d be down to my room as soon as he’d gotten ready, and as
soon as I knew it was a certainty, the nerves hit. I couldn’t sit still,
my stomach was fluttering, and I was panicked that he wouldn’t like what
he saw. I ran around like a crazy person getting myself into something
resembling semi-perfect.

When I heard the knock on the door I had to keep from running over and
flinging it open. I looked through the little peephole and there he was,
in full costume already. I opened the door, and the last physical
barrier was gone. I was still so nervous as he came in and we started
talking. He sat on the edge of the bed, and so did I. It didn’t take
long before the nerves were completely gone and I was completely
comfortable with the fact that the reality had finally replaced the
cyber.

We talked about things in general, most of which escape me now.
Eventually I dragged out my baseball bag with all my toys, and he of
course wanted to try them out. I’ve learned something. Don’t spank a
painslut over jeans! LOL My butt’s hard enough as it is, and jeans make
it damn near impossible to save certain kinds of toys from destruction.
As hard as G. spanks, it’s a good thing I have so many indestructible
toys. Wow! I think he knows me well enough to know that I like it hard.
I am genetically a painslut, I think.
————
HER toys are indestructible, luckily. About half of MY toys gave up the
ghost when being used :-)
————
After all the toys had been used, I looked in the mirror at his
handiwork. I was so bruised I wondered how I was going to handle the
next five days! I knew I hadn’t been spanked in six months, but hadn’t
figured that it would take me all the way back to the early days when I
got marked so easily.

We talked some more, and then went down to the convention. Being the
first day, it wasn’t very crowded, so it was easy to get around. We went
out with his friends for dinner, and then went party wandering, which
lasted till about 1:30 in the morning. Then we ended up back in his
room, talking for hours and hours. At some point, and maybe he can
remember WHY, he wanted me to figure out a math problem. Well, he KNOWS
that math and I don’t get along, and for some reason it brings out the
brat in me. I protested, and then he said to stand up, which wasn’t a
good sign. I said I’d do the math, and he said, “Yes you will, after you
get spanked.” ACK! A real live punishment spanking for something I’d
just done! He told me to take OFF my jeans and panties, and to bend over
the bed. I did, and he spanked me really hard. I think it was with the
hairbrush, considering he likes it way too much. Something odd
happened during that spanking. I really started regretting being a brat
and goading him into spanking me (I admitted doing that when he asked),
and I started crying. He kept spanking me until I was crying full-force,
and when he knew that I really was sorry for doing it, he stopped. I was
shocked that it had actually happened, because anybody who knows this
part of me knows that I don’t cry while being spanked! He held me while
I cried, and until I calmed down, which was VERY nice, and then we ended
up talking again (after I’d figured out the math problem : )) until
about 8 in the morning.

Other details will be left to the imagination, because I don’t know if
I’m the type to “kiss and tell”.

Jump to the next night, after going to science panels (I actually
learned things!) and dinner and more parties, this time with a recently
partly converted friend of mine, and her friend. She’s more into the
power exchange but she has been spanked, and her friend wanted to buy my
Loopy! So we all went party wandering for hours,
———–
Despite your friend’s sister doing a number on her knee while going down
the stairs
———–
and then they went to my room for the night and we went to G.’s room.
I got spanked again, but noticed something strange about my bottom. The
bruises were going away instead of multiplying! Anyway, that night G.
had me bending over the bed again, and pinned my legs with one of his,
and spanked me HARD. The same thing happened, I cried DURING the
spanking. Two nights in a row! He held me again afterwards (I think
that’s one of the best things about this, not counting the actual
spanking!) and we ended up going to bed at 4:30, like normal people.

I think I’m going to stop here and make this a two-parter, because I
don’t want to leave anything out!
To be continued………………

A call for ideas

  • Posted on December 28, 2011 at 11:26 PM

Ask G., sometimes I get bored with how I have things.  Like I changed the color of my computer windows from blue to silver, I occasionally change the theme of my Thunderbird because I get bored with how it looks, and I change the persona on my Firefox a decent amount.  When it comes to this blog, I came up with the name because at the time I couldn’t think of anything better.  For the past couple weeks I’ve been seriously considering changing the name, but I can’t decide on anything.  I’m having the problem I had when I started it in the first place.  It’s the same problem I have when I write stories.  Titles are my worst problem.  I’m hoping that some of you are better at it, so I’m asking for suggestions.  I’ll narrow it down from there, and if I still can’t decide, I’ll leave it up to a vote of the masses.

Some things to consider when coming up with names: Not that I WON’T ever include sex in my blog posts, but I haven’t so far, mostly because it’s not happening for me in RL.  Most of my fantasies have to do with punishment, which I find hot.  I love just playing, and I have a ball when I can do that, but if I can be in a situation where G. is punishing me for something, even if it’s just an attitude adjustment, it reaches a much deeper level for me.  I write a mix of fiction and RL posts, which is why I can’t pick something that makes it seem like it’s just a story site.  There are too many good ones around for me to compete with!

I’m going to see if G. has an idea for a name too, not that he has a lot of experience with blogging.  Of all people he probably SHOULD have a blog, even if it’s a vanilla one, but I’m not sure he can stay away from YouTube for that long.

While we wait for G. to add his comments……

  • Posted on December 9, 2011 at 10:05 PM

The NY post is written, and I sent it to G. a couple days ago, so I’m waiting for him to send it back with his comments included.  Until then, I came up with an idea today.  I’ve been knee-deep in nonkink book writing for over a month now, but I think it’s sparked my creativity again.  That’s good, because I’d spent so much time not being able to write a damn thing that I’ll take too many ideas over none.  I was sitting at work listening to a podcast on my iPod, and they were talking about writing, and it got me thinking.  I rarely write poetry anymore, but occasionally something hits me enough to make me need to write.  I’ve also never written a whole book of themed poetry.  I do have ones I could take out of the rest and MAKE a themed book, but what I’m thinking is a kink related poetry book, that talks about the journey from the earliest thoughts about what we do, to being involved in playing and all the feelings that go along with the different relationships we have while doing it.  I’ve never written something intentionally like that.  My poetry is normally born of strong emotion at the moment.  I think a book about my life would be boring, but to put it into poetry form would bring the emotions to the surface and show the journey from earliest spanko thoughts through to the liberation that comes with age and experience.  I would probably have to go the self publishing route, or the Amazon Print on Demand way, because I doubt I could get a publisher to go for it.  Hell, I don’t even know if anybody would even want to read it!  I wrote the potential first poem this afternoon, and I’m fairly sure I have enough years of experience in all this to really show the journey.  Any thoughts?  Any interest?  I’m still going to do it, but I am wondering if anybody would want to bother reading it.

Before and After

  • Posted on July 13, 2011 at 11:11 PM

I was going through the archives of the SSC (Short Story Contest) from the newsgroup.  They don’t have my earliest stories there, but I was going through my 2001 stories and found two that showed how different my thinking was from when I was younger compared to what it was once I got online and found myself, kink-wise.  They’re bookend stories as it were, so I decided I’d post them here.  I can’t believe that was ten years ago already!

———————————————-
Before-
 Damaged Goods

She was too young to understand what was done to her, too young to process the pain she felt.  He took advantage of her innocence to make her believe she was bad, that nobody would love her, or want her, ever. She was too young to know any different, so she believed.

She was punished for his own faults, his own demons.  Her small childish missteps were blown out of proportion, handled with rage and violence. She never understood why, all she knew was that she was bad.  She had to be if she got spanked and then ignored, never forgiven, never told she was a good girl again.  If that was what getting spanked really was.  It wasn’t like she saw in the movies or on tv, it was so much worse.  She was the perpetual bad girl, even though she wasn’t sure what she’d done. Whatever it was, it had to have been very bad to make him hate her the way he did.

She refused to accept authority after a while, any authority.  She only followed the rules out of fear, or because she thought it would make him like her, but it didn’t.  Nothing got better, only worse.  She was always wrong, always bad.  She couldn’t get away from that feeling, even at such a young age.  She was only a little girl, she should have been happy, not always sure that everyone knew that she was bad.

She was broken before she even had a chance to know who she was or what she wanted.  Her soul damaged so deeply and so early that she had no choice in what she became.  So sad, so lonely, thinking that he was right, that she’d be alone always, no friends, no love.  Part of her remained five years old, holding on to the only thing she’d ever really learned, ever knew for sure, that she was a bad girl, that there was no hope of anything else.  She became what he wanted her to be.

———————————-
After-
Learning to Trust

Once upon a time, I was foolish enough to believe that men were evil. It was what I grew up with, too early learned.  It was imprinted on my soul like an unwanted tattoo.

Paternal rage, unpredictable hurricanes of torment, ruled my life. Rules were momentary or oppressive, consequences brutal or nonexistent. The belt on bare skin was the chosen form of consequence too often.  No forgiveness afterward, just pain.  Not erotic, only something to block out if possible, even when I knew that spanking, in a normal sense, made my body tingle.

The idea that men were bad, not to be trusted, remained even in adulthood.  It would take so much to prove otherwise.  Challengers were very few and far between, and those proved rather than disproved. Marriage solidified the concept.  Being single seemed preferable at times.

Then it came to pass that spanking became a real part of life, not just fantasy or something not to be remembered.  It was finally something to be reveled in, celebrated.  Along with spanking came friends, some male.  To trust was essential in this new life, for without it there was nothing.  But would the belief be eradicated or vindicated.

I wanted to trust, and in the beginning most likely did so too willingly.  Even in the new territory of my sexual liberation, hopes were dashed, twice in quick succession.  I pushed on though, not willing to give up so easily when so much was at stake.  I needed this new way of life, needed a spanked ass and the emotional release that could come with that.

There came a day when I realized that my beliefs were no longer valid. A well-chosen group of male friends had come along, one at a time, showing me each in their own way that men weren’t what I had always thought.  One in particular showed me what authority was supposed to be, consistent, safe.  I trusted and relaxed finally, no longer having to wonder when the trust would be smashed.  I knew that it would always be there.  No promises had ever been made that weren’t kept.

Spankings, real, non-brutal spankings, were given for misbehavior, along with something I’d never had before.  Forgiveness, the knowledge that I wasn’t the miserable creature I had once been led to believe I was, that I was worthy of that forgiveness, and I could never do something that would make me unworthy.  It healed something deep inside, allowing me to own this thing in me, this need to be spanked, whether for punishment or sex.  It was mine, and the brutality of the past couldn’t take that away from me. Once upon a time, I was foolish enough to believe that men were evil. I’m glad I was wrong.

An Old Party Report

  • Posted on July 10, 2011 at 5:19 PM

I posted this way back in ’05 on SSS, after a particularly great fetish party I went to.  I’ve left it in its original form, which I found a while back on Google.
————————————————-

It’s been a long time since I’ve posted about any RL playing that I’ve
done, mostly because it’s been so long between times.  I finally got to
a party last night, but not one of the ones I used to post about.  This
was a fetish party, so there was a really good mix of people of all kink
persuasions.  I’d never been to a party where there were lots of
different kinds of play.  I’ve been playing in the scene since ’99, but
this was my first experience with watching people who didn’t all have my
exact kink, and it was really cool.  There was a LOT of cross-over, so I
didn’t feel out of place at all.

I went with a friend from high school who I recently reconnected with,
mostly because of the first spanking movie I ever bought from Shadow
Lane.  The guy in the movie had the same name and same basic features of
this guy I remembered from high school, and ever since then I’d wanted
to find him again to see if it was him in the movie.  Well, long story
short, I found him on the alumni site for our high school, and I emailed
him.  I mentioned that movie, but not what it was about, and his answer
made me think that he wouldn’t be freaked out by a spanking movie.  I
sent him the link so he’d know why I thought the guy looked like him, he
agreed, and said that he wouldn’t have minded being that guy!  We talked
on the phone after that, and he mentioned this fetish party that he
wanted to take his girlfriend to and said that if I wanted to go to let
him know.  I jumped at the chance, because except for last September
when I got to play with Greg in Boston, I hadn’t played in two years and
I desperately needed the chance.

I met up with them at the bar where the party was, and I knew right away
that I’d get a chance to play, because on the dance floor there were a
couple spanking benches, and a couple St. Andrew’s crosses.  There was a
leather dealer right inside the door, and I finally bought my first
flogger!  I’d always wanted one, but they’re usually too expensive.
This one is green suede and not very long, so when Greg uses it on me he
won’t have to worry about controlling it.  It’s also heavy, which is
what I like.

Anyway, we were sitting around talking, and my friend started talking to
this guy who turned out to be a Top.  He sat at our table and we started
talking about what kind of playing we like to do.  One thing led to
another, especially once he found out that I’m a painslut, and we
decided to go outside where we could actually hear each other.  There
was a St. Andrew’s cross out on the patio too.  He got his toy bag out,
and told me that I was wearing too much.  I wasn’t sure about getting
rid of EVERYTHING I was wearing, but it didn’t take too long for me to
end up just wearing a thong and some strategically placed electrical
tape. LOL  I will say that the only reason I felt okay playing with
somebody I didn’t know was because my friend and his girlfriend wanted
to watch, so I knew I had backup, otherwise I never would’ve done it.

He wanted to do some breast bondage, and I wasn’t too sure about that
because I’d never played with that before, but I figured that there are
other things I’d never liked until I tried them, so what the hell.  That
part was okay, once he’d been working them over for a while, but it
didn’t really did much for me.  He had my hands connected to the cross
way over my head, and eventually we had to switch the leather cuffs to
the lower hooks down by my sides so my hands stopped going numb.  At one
point I was standing there looking up at the night sky, and I wondered
how I’d made it to a level where I didn’t mind being 41, and by no means
skinny, all but naked, cuffed to a cross with everybody looking at
me (people wandered in and out of the bar onto the patio the whole
time), while this guy was doing all sorts of wonderfully painful things
to me.  It was liberating and amazing all at the same time.  The great
thing was that absolutely nobody gave a damn about my size.

Eventually he turned me around so he could work on the other side.
This was what I really wanted and needed, and he was up to the
challenge.  Not everybody can play at the level I like, which is pretty
high.  He used a bunch of floggers, a crop, some paddles (I had no idea
they made metal paddles!), and there was a buggy whip and a quirt
somewhere in the action too.  There was one flogger that he said would
make me scream, but he doesn’t know my tolerence level! LOL  It was just
really really good.

He pulled my hair at one point, which was also new for me.  I have long hair, so
there was a lot to grab.  Nobody had ever done that before, and I’d
always wondered if it would be a turn on for me.  There’s something
about it that is definitely a turn on, but I think it would be much hotter with
people I’ve played with a lot .

I’d realized a couple years ago that I like sensation play, but I
haven’t had much experience with it.  He had one of those spikey wheels
(can’t remember the name right now), and when he used it on me,
especially where he’d flogged and whipped, I damn near orgasmed!  It was
great, and by that time I was feeling very relaxed, probably more than
I’d been in a long time.

I think my friend’s girlfriend was intrigued by watching me, because
they came up to us, and the guy used the wheel on her too.  It turns out
that she likes it just as much as I did and had pretty much the same
reaction I did, so there’s potential there.  I like people who are
willing to try new things. :)

After I got dressed, we went back in to watch all the other people who
were playing.  I saw a woman who REALLY knows how to use two floggers at
the same time.  Wow, that was very cool!  If I go to another one of
those parties, I might have to see if she’s willing to do that to me.

Today I have some very cool marks, and I’m hoping that they last more
than a day or two.  I hope so, I hate when they don’t last, because I
like looking at them.

Back to normal

  • Posted on July 7, 2011 at 8:17 PM

Last night G. and I discussed the math thing.  We haven’t come up with a plan yet, but at least it’s out there.  The best part of it is, he’s back in charge, at least of my spankings.  Family things had taken his mind away from what we used to do, and we had adapted at the time.  I guess we got used to it, not even talking about spanking much, if at all, except as a joke.  I realize now that this was what had been missing.  I liked him telling me what was going to happen as far as when I could get up from the mat, or how much I would get spanked.  With my months long hiatus from even being able to spank myself due to my own living situation, we had gone on to other things, filling our time with online things that didn’t involve spanking at all.  Last night I felt settled for the first time in so long, and today was when I realized what was different.  He made me spank myself with my new toy on the phone, bedroom door closed.  We don’t normally risk that because I live with family, but the air conditioner and the tv were on in the living room, and it blocked any sound coming from my room.  Luckily the new toy (I’m considering calling it “The Evil Whippy Thing” LOL) isn’t loud like all my other toys.  After getting spanked with that for a while, I had to get out the mat and sit on it while we talked.  It was so nice to feel that he was taking back the reins finally.  I’ve been a grown up and in charge of everything for over a year now, and I missed being able to just let him take over.  It was funny how we fell into our old roles again so easily.  After twelve years I guess it’s like riding a bike, you don’t forget how to do it.  We did all of our other normal stuff, just like every other night, but there was that extra little part, me sitting on the mat and him deciding that if I asked if I could get off that he would make me sit on it longer that made me happy.  Everything was right with the world again.