Starting to feel human and kinky again

  • Posted on March 3, 2015 at 11:45 AM

I’m less than three weeks away from being 51 years old.  My brain tells me I’m a lot younger, but in the past few years my hormones are telling me the opposite.  I’m obviously on the downward slide to menopause, and my hormones are crazier than they were when I was a teenager.  My cycle, which used to be like clockwork started to go haywire, and then starting in December became so crazy that it didn’t stop except for a few days, and then it would be right back.  We won’t discuss the parts where I started wondering how much blood a person has in their body because “how the hell could this be happening on this level for a week and I haven’t passed out from losing all the blood in my body?”. LOL  I had been on supplements off and on a couple years ago, which took care of the hot flashes I had started having.  I had stopped taking them because the hot flashes went away, so I thought that my hormones had balanced back out.  Well, after three months of this stupid never ending hell, I did some research online, and it said that hormonal imbalance can cause that.  I still had some supplements, so I started taking them, and TA DA, I’m getting back to normal again.

One of the side effects from all that is that my sex drive and kink mindedness have been almost nonexistent.  Who can be in the mood for anything fun when you’re in the middle of all that?  It doesn’t happen.  So now, my mind is slowly wandering back to feeling more sexual, and to wanting kinkiness again.  It’s slow, too slow for my liking, but it’s only been a week since I started the supplements, so I’m hoping that maybe by my birthday I’ll be closer to kink-normal.  I knew things were bad when spanking pictures that were all over my Twitter TL were doing absolutely nothing for me.  It was annoying me that things that would have made me horny as hell a year ago were just taunting me with my lack of interest.  In the past couple days I’ve noticed at least a mild interest in the pictures, so I know things will ramp back up, it’ll just take some time.  I have managed some masturbation over the past couple months, but it’s been rare, maybe twice in that whole time.  Not being married or being in a relationship, there’s been no chance of full on sex, so at least I haven’t had to worry about anybody else’s feelings or needs in all of this, it’s just MY feelings, or lack thereof that I’ve had to deal with.  That’s enough, believe me.  This sucks, and I’m just glad I haven’t had to worry about how anybody else is affected by all of this.

There was one ray of sunshine a month ago, in one of the extremely rare days off from the hell, I was home by myself, which also rarely happens, and I got some implements out.  The riding crop, a paddle, the hairbrush and the loopy came into use, and it was so nice to get some spanking in, although my endurance wasn’t what it used to be, probably because of the lack of hormones, I’m not sure.  It was nice to have a warm bottom again for a while, especially since I hadn’t been spanked since I was in NY with G back in October.  It seems like that was the last time I really felt kinky anyway, since everything went to hell not long after I got back.  I miss feeling kinky.  I want it back.  I want to be ME again.  I can see the light at the end of the tunnel, so I know I’ll get there, but it’s frustrating in the meantime.

1 Comment on Starting to feel human and kinky again

  1. Barrister says:

    Haveing been through this with Bonnie, all I can say is that you have my sympathies and empathy. Glad to see “you” coming back.

    Barrister

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